If you asked all of my friends in Yantai about my language skills in Mandarin you will get a huge range of responses - anywhere from "I know she understands a bit..." to "she's nearly fluent!"
I have a bad case of language shyness when I get around people who speak English fluently OR are otherwise highly educated. Obviously my shyness is birthed from feeling inadequate before those friends. I default to letting them translate for me - both to Chinese and to English. I also don't do well around other non-native Chinese speakers that speak better Chinese than I do. I don't shut off my brain, but I feel so inadequate that I just let things flow in the easiest way possible. I'd rather have them translate than to embarrass myself with bad pronunciation or incorrect grammar. Over the years I've developed ways to disguise my mistakes specifically when it comes to tones (if you need to know, ask me: it's an easy answer. and it works!). Grammar and vocabulary is a whole other beast. Chinese grammar is incredibly simple but trying to remember all those words can sometimes be overwhelming.
Some of my co-workers in the English department have NEVER heard me speak Chinese. I remember just a few years ago when one of them heard me for the first time. Another co-worker who didn't speak any English was so excited to see me after many years apart that she just started chattering away with me. I got so caught up in the excitement that I forgot about my shyness and was answering all of her questions. The English speaking co-worker stood there looking shocked. She even asked when I learned Chinese! The non-English speaking co-worker started laughing and told her that we'd always spoken together in Chinese and wondered how she didn't know I spoke Chinese. She affirmed that she knew I could understand and she'd heard rumors that I spoke Chinese but she thought it was just a rumor until that moment.
How did I learn the language while also suffering this seemingly debilitating case of language shyness? These are the steps I took:
First, use the powers of observation. You can glean a lot by observing non-verbals in other people's conversations. Watch their eyes - do they light up with excitement or show disgust or do they look full of rage? Eyes often carry the tone of the conversation even if they don't seem to fit what you are hearing. Look at the expression on their face - it will supplement whatever their eyes are expressing. Observe their body language. But don't segregate the observations from what you are hearing. Listen to the pitch/tone of their voice and see how it relates to what you're observing. If you see them point in a certain direction or at a person, pay attention to the sounds coming out of their mouth and try to remember it. In the future, listen for that word and see if it relates to what you thought it meant. If a person says something to another person that results in an action, think about the words that were said and the resulting action. Save that word/phrase in your memory for future recall when you hear someone else say it or some portion of it. If it has the same result, then you can deduce what the word/phrase means. Also, watching TV or movies WITHOUT subtitles will force you to pay more attention to what is going on. The first things I watched on TV in China were sports - it was during the Sydney Olympics so there was a wide range of sports to watch, including several that I take lots of interest in myself - and movies dubbed into Chinese. This meant that I already had an idea of what was going on but I actively listened to what was being said while watching the action so that I could deduce the meaning of the words/phrases I was hearing compared to what I was seeing.
Second, question the world around you. Point at items and most of the time people will say the name of it out loud. If you're trying to practice a word, point at the item and say it the way you think it is said. Most likely the person will either say it properly for you or show excitement that you tried to speak their language and did it well enough that they understood. If you have friends that speak enough of your mother tongue that you can ask them basic phrases, take advantage of that. They are excited to be able to communicate with you, so they will teach you anything you ask as long as they are able to. The best phrases to learn first will be questions. This way you can expand your vocabulary by questioning people.
Thirdly, step out and try. You might say a word wrong or get the grammar all mixed up but at least you tried. The worst you can do is get it wrong and the person doesn't understand. Ideal would be they understand but help you correct your mistakes. And best case scenario is that you said it perfectly.
Fourth, adapt. If you forgot a word or phrase, go ahead and say it in a different way. Think of it as a real life version of Taboo. Once the person gets what you're trying to say, you can ask them how to say it properly.
Finally, have fun! Hang out with friends doing stuff you enjoy. You'll naturally start understanding more. When your brain isn't preoccupied with your fear of making a mistake or thinking and re-thinking grammar and vocabulary, you'll find your language speaking comes more naturally and you don't hesitate to step out of your language shyness as much. Everyone learns at a different pace - but if you're always questioning your ability it's going to hinder your confidence. Take your mind off of your inadequacies or fears and enjoy the moment. It's easier said than done - but you will quickly find which people you are more confident in speaking with and those are the people can help you get over the hindrances of fear and feeling inadequate.
Not only do these steps help you practically in your language acquisition but they often lead to lifelong friendships. Try it - you'll like it.
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